What’s Actually Going on When People Stay in Touch With Exes

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What’s Actually Going on When People Stay in Touch With Exes


  • A survey indicated that near 50 % of students document creating contact with an ex.
  • Folks have a lot more contact if they got ideas your ex, have friendly breakups, or are not across the breakup.
  • When get in touch with occurred considering that the ex is element of a larger friend cluster, anyone reported considerably fulfillment with their latest relations.
  • Individuals who were disappointed in a fresh connection are more prone to talk to exes as a prospective back-up.

It really is fairly typical for individuals to steadfastly keep up experience of former intimate lovers. 1,2 But what happens when your enter an innovative new commitment? Do you ever manage connection with an ex or cut them out? Would it be detrimental to your brand-new relationship in case the ex still is in your lifetime? Normally inquiries many can relate with, however they have not been examined much by connection researchers-until lately.

In 2 research, Lindsay Rodriguez along with her peers interviewed adults in romantic affairs to ascertain how often they correspond with exes, precisely why they preserve communications, and just what that states regarding their latest partnership. 3 The most important learn surveyed 260 undergraduates, who was simply and their present companion for at least four weeks together with a previous union that lasted no less than 90 days.

They discovered that about 40 percent regarding the youngsters keep in touch with an ex. For the vast majority (over 90 percent), this communication began within two months on the break up and continuing to occur at least once every month or two. We don’t correspond with her ex all too often, but a little subgroup-13 percent-had experience of exes repeatedly each week.

Who’s more prone to stay in touch with an ex? The greater really serious the position from the recent connection (elizabeth.g., married or almost interested vs. matchmaking), the not as likely participants are for connection with an ex. But continuous communications with an ex ended up being unrelated to how significant the connection together with the ex was in fact. (this might be most likely since these members had been reasonably younger, so they will never have a similar degree of investments that requires future communications, instance co-parenting, which can happen when considerably committed connections break up.) Alternatively, it had been her thinking about their ex and towards breakup that expected communications: everyone was almost certainly going to keep in touch with exes they nonetheless had emotions for. These people were furthermore more likely to stay in touch with exes when they believed that separation was actually most positive-characterized by knowledge and too little mean and unpleasant attitude. Eventually, those people that stated that these were perhaps not on the separation are more likely than others to maintain experience of their unique ex.

Exactly what implications does this need for people’s existing connections? Generally, those people that stayed in contact with an ex had a tendency to end up being much less dedicated to her current partner as opposed to those whom wouldn’t, but contact with an ex was not related to how gratifying they found her latest relationship.

In the next research, the researchers more discovered how connection with exes relates to the grade of the current relationship by examining individuals reasons for residing in touch. They surveyed 169 undergraduate children in relationships, who mentioned they communicated with an ex one or more times every few months.

Exactly why keeping the notion of a reunion throughout the back-burner may be problems

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This time around, the group found a match up between experience of exes additionally the top-notch current union: more constant the connection with an ex, the much less happy players happened to be using their recent relationship.

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